Hello darlings! Here’s a little curiosity for you all to ponder.
The FEI Awards are upon us again. These awards, touted as “a celebration of equestrian heroes“, recognise the bestus of the best – or at least the ones who have the most mates who vote – in horse sport.
The FEI’s PR machine (PR: public relations, not person responsible) has been pumping out information on the awards for weeks now, aiming to drum up nominations. So with all this manure, there has to be a horse around, right?
Alas, no. There are no awards for The Horse.
This little anomaly was pointed out to me by my dear friend, the world-famous prolific blogger The Carrot.
Does this sort of omission not lead the general public to believe that horses are unnecessary to horse sport?
My other good comrade, ‘I Love the Carrot’, has even produced a video about this awards anomaly that probably won’t make it onto any official sites:
The Carrot has called for nominations for a horse of the year award, and so far Sapphire, Totilas, Oki Doki, Zekina Z, Parzival, and Ed, The Naughty Pony are up for the biggie.
Ed has been nominated despite there being some registration issues which will be taken to the FEI Bureau in due course.
Ed has to be a front runner for the award. I expect he is teaching his young rider more than a dozen High Performance Development clinics ever could:
(Remind you of any ponies you’ve ridden?)
Frankly, I think this little guy is a shoo-in.
Now, I thought instead of just one category for the top horse, there should be several. Here are my categories and some nominations.
1. Thickest hide
This award has to go to the showjumper Crelido, who hit the headlines earlier this year for his ability to take a beating. His reward was a ban from competition for three months. What can I say, these German horses are tough. Could Crelido become a symbol for battered equines the world over?
2. Sexiest/hottest cannon bones
Has to go to Sapphire, who was felt up more than any horse should be at the World Cup final, when her legs were prodded 57 times in order to check for hypersensitivity.
3. Steward’s award for the tightest noseband
Just about any dressage horse could win this one. We’re awaiting a new gauge so that tightness can be quantified. This could take years, as could the guidelines for stewards on nosebands.
4. Most unlikely World Record holder (otherwise known as the “Yeah, right.” award)
Jayhal Jazal supposedly zoomed over 160km in 5 hours, 45 minutes and 44 seconds in an endurance ride in March. This reportedly worked out at 27.77 kmph for the whole ride, and 35.53kmph for the last of the six loops. My calculator is broken but it sounds a bit crazy to me.
5. Best fantasy breeding
Just for fun. Who knows, it might give someone an idea!
Hickstead and Sapphire
Totilas and Uno Donna Unique
Totilas and Brentina (a happening thing, apparently!)
Totilas and Blue Hors Matine (yes, we know she has passed, but her owners must have harvested some eggs).
Roll up – get your nominations in!