Oracle octopus spills beans on World Equestrian Games

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Paul the octopus, fresh from a series of stunning predictions on the outcomes of World Cup football matches, has turned his attention to the 2010 Alltech FEI World Equestrian Games in Kentucky.

The eight-legged oracle, who lives in an aquarium in Berlin, has reportedly been wrong only once in his colourful history of predicting the outcome of top football matches.

His predictions are now international news, with his latest controversial selection of Spain over Germany in the Cup semifinal beamed out live on several national networks.

Paul climbed atop a glass tank bearing the Spanish flag to make his latest prediction.

As Horsetalk’s top equine correspondent, I, Geldoff, fronted with a microphone and found an ebullient Paul ready to talk.

“It’s about time somebody fronted with a mike,” said Paul. “Climbing around flags is so last-year.

“To be frank, I’m tired of all this football hullabaloo. It’s time, surely, for me to offer some predictions about the 2010 World Equestrian Games.”

Paul offered some highly controversial observations.

“I predict at least another 60 sponsors and partners will be announced before the event begins,” he asserted.

Watch, he said, for a controversial selection around the official supplier of incontinence pads.

“The sh** will really fly,” Paul said.

He predicted no fewer than three drugs controversies during the games.

One, he said, would involve a “mainland European nation” whose horses got on the sauce and ended up smoking a little harmless grass.

Another would involve the illegal application of aloe vera.

“I can’t say too much about the third,” Paul said, “but it will affect the medals table and, once the dust has settled, we will see the Togo Republic win its first WEG medal.”

On the competitive side, Paul made a raft of predictions. One top event will see German, British and Dutch riders finish in the top three, but all will be disqualified after discovering the sunscreen provided by the friendly rider from the Togo Republic had a few special additives.

He said the FEI would introduce several new prizes, including the LDR award for Best Rollkur Impression, to be judged by warmup ring stewards, and the BFF award for the Friendliest National Federation.

Paul denied his successful predictions to date have been nothing but luck.

“I heard someone say yesterday that you’d be a sucker to believe my predictions.

“Well, I’ve got more suckers on my tentacles that you’ve had hot breakfasts, and I’m telling you I’m legit.

“Now, where’s that cheque. Make it out to cash.”

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One thought on “Oracle octopus spills beans on World Equestrian Games

  • July 8, 2010 at 11:54 pm
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    Great article it made me chuckle, only wish I had come up with it.

    Reply

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